Is Your Word Your Bond?

When was the last time you made a promise you didn’t intend to keep? Big or small, intentional or not, all of us have had our slips some time.

Some of us are ‘Only the Big Ones’ people. These people keep their word about important things but not trivial ones. For example, if they promise to complete a project, or if it’s for someone important, they finish it against all odds – that’s a big promise. But when it comes to little things like taking a child out to the mall or meeting up with a friend (something inconsequential compared to a money making assignment or time with a VIP), they might promise, ‘tomorrow,’ ‘next week,’ or ‘later’; which never comes. This kind of people are intentional to keep their word, but they also have their so called ‘priorities.’ They give their word first, and then decide which ones to keep and which to discard, according to their convenience.

Then there are others among us who are ‘Only if I Have To’ people. They try not to give their word for everything. They realize an oath makes them accountable for their actions, so they wiggle their way out. Ask them if they can come and you’ll hear, “I’m not sure”. Ask them whether they can finish the work by a certain date, and they’ll say, “I’ll try.” If you’re lucky, ‘my best’ will be attached. Even when it’s plain simple and 99.9% convenient to them, you’ll have to dig the words out of their mouth. Nevertheless, all they are promising is an attempt – success or failure, they will be left off the hook. The underlying message is actually “No”.

Understanding this, they only commit to tasks with the least responsibilities because they feel forced to.

We may also fall into another group - the ‘It Doesn’t Matter’ people. They constantly make promises they don’t plan to keep. To them, words are empty. For instance, “I’ll call back in a while” is actually just a way of ending a conversation. “We should meet up sometime” is in fact, “Goodbye.” When such people tell you “Don’t worry, I’ll handle it” - if you trust them for an important job, it’s like yanking a dog’s ear and expecting it not to bite. Probably, they are so used to throwing their words away, that they expect others to know it is not a promise. But the truth is, when we say we will do something, we are making a pledge – and that matters.

At last but not least, the ‘True to Every Word’ people are diamonds in the rough. They recognize that each word they utter has a price tag attached to it. It can make or break someone’s day. They don’t make promises they don’t intend to keep, big or small. They give assurance whenever they can. They take delight in serving. When they make an oath, they pull it through even when it hurts. If they have vowed but are unable to fulfill it, they retract before it is supposed to happen. If for any reason, there was a slither, they make sure they apologize. These are people of integrity.

With all this in mind, there are a number of ways we can practice integrity in our speech everyday. Here are a few:

Don’t promise if you know you will not keep it. Eg: If you want to end a conversation but don’t plan to call again or meet up, just say “Goodbye,” “Thank you for your time,” or “It was great talking to you! (if it was :P).” Be honest. If you don’t want to make a promise, just say “No.”

When you explain your reasons in a nice way, the other person will actually appreciate your sincerity. Eg: If someone asks you out, and you know you won’t go, just say “I’m sorry, I have something on.” Or if you can say this, “I don’t think it is a good idea,” and explain why. Be accountable.

Don’t avoid making promises just because you fear you might flop them. Eg: When there is some way you can help out, volunteer yourself. Do your level best to complete it. If you really can’t, for a valid reason, withdraw as soon as possible with an apology, or better, offer an alternate solution.

Recognize that your words have meanings. In work, it can help to build or cause serious damage. In relationships, the ones who receive your promises hold on to them (especially children, loved ones and friends). You can make their day, or break their hearts. And most importantly, you are reflecting what matters to you – the kind of person that you are.

Some things to remember about promises:

Nobody’s perfect. It’s not an ideal world. So, don’t be naïve, but try to trust enough whenever you can and should. Give people chances to fulfill their words, but be wise.