Get rid of the temper, spread some honey

Many times in our lives, we encounter people who simply annoy us – partners who never seem to understand, staff who never get it right, bosses who yell, customers who complain and parents who scold…

We want to make them see our point of view and agree with us.

However, instead of getting our message across correctly, too often, we are quick to allow the fangs of anger to show up, and emit venomous words.

Dale Carnegie said, “If your temper is aroused, and you tell them a thing or two, YOU will have a fine time unloading YOUR feelings.

But what about THE OTHER PERSON?

Will HE share your pleasure?”

Today, I would like to encourage you to ‘’Get rid of the temper, and spread some honey’

To control anger and speak with gentleness….


Why?

Because unleashing your angry emotions is NOT going to win you anything.

BUT by spreading honey, you will win people to your way of thinking.

Proverbs 15:1 in the Bible says: A gentle word deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.


1) First things first – You’ve got to get rid of the temper.

Begin by LISTENING WITH YOUR HEART

When someone does something upsetting or says unpleasant words, our first reactions are usually to get angry or upset.

If we want to get rid of the temper and spread some honey, the very first thing to do is to BE QUIET….Resist the urge to lash out with your tongue or defend yourself. Just listen.

Think from the other person’s perspective. Let others share what they feel and think. Allow them to talk it out and express their emotions. Just listen and try to understand what they are feeling, and what has caused their reactions. Put yourself in their place. Think what they think, feel what they feel. Acknowledge their emotions.

Only then will you know the right words to say – words that will speak straight to their heart.

For example:

One day, I met a very demanding person at work. He yelled out a long list of complaints, condemning my colleague's inefficiency regarding his room. My colleague came running to me, pouring out all the complaints - saying she was so afraid to see the chief interviewer again.

Initially, I felt very annoyed. I thought to myself – “What a snob? Can’t he see for himself that this is an old building? How can he expect a 5-star hotel room in a 30-year old office?

But I told myself to BE QUIET. I listened to all the complaints and tried to think from his perspective. I asked myself, "How would I feel if I were him?"

I gathered that the man had been to many luxurious places. This was probably the first of his worst experience. The minimum facilities came as a shock to him.

My job was to help him adapt to this new situation – not to analyze whether or not he was a snob!

I needed to have the right attitude towards him. I needed to serve with a sincere heart.

When I listened with my heart, then I knew the right words to say.

When you throw away the temper and listen with your heart, you have already won half of the game of getting your ideas across.



2) This brings us to the second step – SPREAD THE HONEY

How do you do this? By SPEAKING THE RIGHT WORDS WITH YOUR MOUTH

Back to my story …. I went over to his room.

I said, “Sir, I’m so sorry that our office is a 30-year old building with minimum facilities. I know this place is so bad compared to the many places you have been to. I feel so embarrassed that we only have this place to offer you. Sir, could you please tell me all your dissatisfaction? … please don’t leave anything out. As your host, we will try our best to make it better.

I picked gentle words to convey my message. I spoke with an empathetic tone. I said it sincerely from my heart.

GENTLE WORDS + EMPATHETIC TONE + SINCERE HEART = HONEY

Then I waited for ‘honey’ to do the job.

The man also went quiet for a while. He looked around for a few moment. He stepped out of his room as I followed behind him.

Then he spoke:

“Yes, this is a really old building. This is the first time I am coming to this place. You don’t need to feel bad. What you have provided is good enough, given such a short notice. I really appreciate your effort. Thank you so much.”

My colleague couldn’t believe it when I told her how nice the man was!

How did gushes of complaints turn into streams of contentment?

The answer lies in spreading the honey.

When you throw a temper, people taste its bitterness. But when you spread honey, people delight in its sweetness.

Had I thrown a temper and spoken my initial thoughts, I am sure his reactions would have been far worse than my staff had experienced!

A sincere apology, gentle words and a little understanding can soften an angry heart.

As the old maxim says, “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”

-JJ-