When the flame is fading

Do you ever remember waking up one day with the passion to change the world? You begin the day with a sense of purpose. Your steps are quick because you’ve got no time to waste. You grab a cup of tea and drink it with your eyes still glued to the computer, while with one hand, your fingers are still tapping on the keyboard.

Even with the deadlines, and difficult people, or when things just don’t go right; nothing slows you down, because you truly believe you’re on a mission! And that makes you feel so alive!

But as time goes by, and routine sets in, everyday becomes, ‘just another day’…You watch the people around settle for the mediocre. You don’t feel you can change anything, and you wonder why you even want to try. “What’s the point?” You ask yourself.

When others seem to take a relaxed attitude, and find ways to do to the least, or when they come and tell you to take you to take it easy, you start to question, ‘Why should I even care?” You watch your motivation level dwindle, and you just stand and stare.

You observe hours being wasted because of indecision. Even when there is a resolution, the motive is questionable – whether or not it benefits the whole. Your eyes are opened to notice ‘enemies’ and ‘allies’ as you discern the power play.

Little by little, you decelerate, and just watch, doing only what you’re supposed to do. You feel tired of trying to tie raindrops together. You begin to take things as they come, instead of riding over it all like a warrior of light

Until a nice person comes along and brings some smiles, or you wait for someone dear you’ve not seen in a while to drop by – then you capture that moment and it keeps your heart beating the rest of the day.

And when all is done, and everyone has left, you sit behind your desk and wonder, “How pathetic have I become?”

That's when your mind goes to legendary figures like Martin Luther King Jr, and you ask yourself, “How did they ever do it? – have a dream, keep it to the end, and live with a mission?”

If you ever feel that way, perhaps it's best to reflect upon the words from the man himself, and allow the famous quotes of Martin Luther King Jr. to flame up that fading spark.

“Whatever your life's work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.”

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

-Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord,

not for men-

Colossians 3:23 (The Bible, NIV)

Perhaps it's Destiny!

When the American Idol competitors came down to three, I wondered who would go out. While all three were stunning, based on their performances and judges’ comments, it was predictable that Kris Allen may not make it to the finals. In fact, you could almost see disapproval on Simon Cowell’s face when the results show revealed Danny Gokey was out of the game instead of Kris.

It was at that moment, I thought my to myself, “Things are taking a different turn. For all you know, Kris might just win the title. Perhaps, it’s his destiny.”

Kris Allen had a meek spirit surrounding him – something that brought out the emotions of listeners; a modesty that showed through his facial expressions, gestures and responses. When it came to vocal performance, he indisputably had a beautiful voice. However, compared to ‘rock star’ Adam Lambert’s overwhelming screams and David Gokey’s, Kris Allen appeared as the most fragile.

While Adam, his final contender, received excellent comments and praises consistently throughout the competition, Kris was asked to step out of his quietness and show a different side. And Kris did emerge and show improvements, while remaining true to himself – never trying to be something else just to compete with others. This was commended on his final performance, and all the judges agreed he had earned his place at the top.

Maybe it’s his journey from being the quite boy who doubted his own ability to rising as the star who reached the finals, which won the people’s hearts and votes. His quietness and humility that revealed itself in magnificence when he was up there in the spotlight; when his fingers gently tapped the keyboards on the piano; when he boldly strummed the acoustic guitar without needing embellishments from back up singers or a theatrical performance…that made the simple remarkable.

Even when he seemed to struggle singing his final song, “No Boundaries,” which was a key too high for his voice, making his competitor look even stronger; even when the judge commented his performance was like a bunch of guys strumming music in their rooms, it failed to take away the destiny that awaited him.

One of the reasons I love to watch reality shows is that they always remind me that talent is not enough. What seems like the best in terms of ability and skill may not suffice to claim the glory. Effort and the heart play a huge part, not forgetting the Higher Power that determines destiny.

I suppose we need a hero we can relate to. Humble, imperfect, seemingly ordinary – yet able to accomplish amazing heights. We look beyond the simple fumbles of a presentation. We observe the exemplary path that was walked – both the pains and the gains. We behold the greatness that will be displayed in the future – the perfection that will be achieved given the right circumstances, opportunities and time.

Something that gives us hope to fulfill our own destiny.

Barbie, Benjamin Button and time

The iconic hourglass figure that has captured the hearts and minds of pre-pubescent girls all over the world, creating fantasies of the ideal female form, has come a long way. Barbie turns 50 this year, yet she has never aged, not even a bit, through the transition of time.

Little girls can’t wait to grow up, and dream of that fuller body with the finest waistline. Likewise, little boys imagine muscles and moustache before their debut. Once we reach that age of adulthood, the fruits of sexuality transport us to a world where women throw glances and men flirt; that make us take chances.

We want to look good, feel great and enjoy the moment before the glory of its time fleets away. Then, as the front digits of our age increase with each page of the calendar being torn, every attempt is made to freeze the Barbie, or at least the whimsy of it, in the mirror. Even Simon Cowell, from the famed American Idol, admits he uses Botox to ‘take care’ of himself.

Do we wonder why this is so? Why don’t we long to be children forever? Why doesn’t the other end of wisdom with years attract us to lock it in? Why are we all, men and women alike, allured by the things that offer us a sip from that fountain of eternal youth and beauty?

Perhaps, the answer can be found in a scene from “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” where the lead actress sees Benjamin at the climax of his youth; ideal in stature, with firmness of skin, brimming with energy and everything else that comes with it. She stands amazed at the man who was born old but is slowly reversing into youth, and says, “Look at you…You’re perfect.”

Yes, PERFECTION is the word. Somehow, innately, we seem to be wired in with a desire for perfection. As children, we are yet to be fully developed physically and mentally. We are told that we need to grow up, meaning we are still ‘imperfect’. During teens, we know there’s more to come. We strive to achieve that ideal stage of physical growth and attractiveness, financial security, possession of money and wealth, with the ability to run around and do whatever we wish - in early adulthood. To us, that is the pinnacle of life; the picturesque of perfection. We know that isn’t going to last forever, and whatever contradictorily follows, we consider ‘degeneration’ - a process we attempt to minimize, if not eliminate altogether.

If we ever had a choice, would we choose to be Benjamin Button – start elderly, get younger each day and die as an infant? Probably not, because everyone else is heading the other direction – the walk would be way too lonely. But if there were truly a way to seal youth forever, do we really want it?

As humans, we are never satisfied. If we look for something, once we find it, we are happy for a while. Then boredom sets in over time, and the search begins once more. Maybe it’s the quest that keeps us going – the search for the ultimate perfection that is impossible to find and sustain eternally in our earthly beings. The path that some find in cosmetic surgery, age defying costumes or accessories, ever-productive activities, financial security, persons or companions, or others find in God.

While it is highly advocated to aspire for the best in life – longings manifested in working out to feel fit and look younger, healthy eating to preserve bodily functions, earning to live better, making up to hide those wrinkles and flaws, and enjoying compliments that tell us we still ‘have it’ – we need to remember that time has its purpose. A reason in every stage, an aim in every age, a story in every page.

Physical charm and strength; they grow fainter by the days. Wealth and possessions; we can’t take them to our grave. But the attitude of the heart is something nothing in this world can take away – to aim for the paramount but balance it with contentment of what we already have. We have full control over it, despite all circumstances. The physical heart might deteriorate, but its spirit will never age. Its beauty will withstand the test of time, if only we choose it to be so.

Part-time Lover

“Call up, ring once, hang up the phone, to let me know you made it home,Don’t want nothing to be wrong with part-time lover…”

“We are undercover passion on the run, Chasing love up against the sun,We are strangers by day, lovers by night...Knowing it’s so wrong, but feeling so right”

Do the lyrics sound familiar? Very catchy indeed, by Stevie Wonder. Every time I hear the song, the tune keeps on playing in my head for a quite a while.

To delve deeper, the songwriter has really captured reality with those words. We’ve seen it before our very eyes, heard confessions and details of where, when, why or even how. Perhaps, it might have also almost happened to some of us.

As a kid, I always thought of such things as downright despicable and wondered how terrible people were as I watched movies and heard stories. Well, I still think it’s not right. But as I get older, I begin to understand that people don’t wake up one day and decide to be bad. Feelings and thoughts are real, temptations come to all, and it could happen to anyone of us.

Sometimes life becomes too routine. Some things looking nice will always pass by, and temptations sizzle up the mundane. It’s human nature to be attracted to something that fills that thirst for adventure. While some find it in infidelity, there’s so much in the world that we could do.

Perhaps, things are not going the way it should in a relationship. The other half might not fulfill all that is wanted and desired, either knowingly or unknowingly. The issues are not communicated nor resolved. And rarely do we want to see our own flaws, although sometimes it’s really not our fault. Then, shines the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’– a willing, caring and exciting secret sweetheart, and there you have it!

We humans are such insatiable creatures. At times, everything goes smoothly. We live comfortably, with almost everything one could ask for. Yet, perfection is not enough. We still desire something new – perhaps in the form of a curvaceous figure, sweet words, pretty gifts, or a sensual touch – something apart from what we already have.

Whatever the reasons, deep down we know, those are just attempts to rationalize and justify the wrongs to make it sound ok, at least to ourselves. We may say life is short and it’s a waste not to do what we want. Or we may whine, “If I can’t have the real thing, what’s wrong to have a little fun sometime?” Or even, “It’s a need I have to fulfill. In fact, everyone’s doing it.” We do this to cover guilt, but we prefer not to admit it.

Mere excuses – if we are truly honest to ourselves. Wrong is wrong. Right is right.

Goodness is like a diamond that needs to be sought after, while evil shouts out loud, hanging temptations up for grabs. We know that both God and the Devil are there. The battle is on, the choice is ours.

We are like empty glasses with a crack, which constantly needs to be filled. If we want to be pure, we must continuously fill it with good. Sometimes, we pretend not to see the darker shades. We mix and dilute the colors so that we’re neither here, nor there. Then we convince ourselves that being in the middle scale makes it all right.

I’d like to conclude with my own version of the rhythmic lyrics.

For the married:

I’ve got a spouse, to me the best,
I know not everyone’s as blessed,
I’ve got no time, no cause, no heart,
To be a part-time lover.

For the single:

When love is flowing from my heart,
I give it full, never just half,
I love myself, I care too much,
To be a part-time lover.

Here’s to full-time love!

What is Life & Why it is Precious

This is a question as old as time itself. Myths and legends often tell of the journeys of a young man up the mountains or into the woods seeking a wise old man who has the answer. I find myself on that quest many a times. , here it is – the answer from a 25 year-old woman, to herself, at this point of time.

Life a gift,
You don’t fully get to choose,
Where, when or how,
The end or the beginning,
The joy or the suffering,
It is given to you,
Just be true.

Life is a responsibility,
You are entrusted with resources and gifts,
It’s up to you what you do with it,
You pay the price if you are silly,
You see the fruits if you are wise.

Life is a journey,
The phases are many,
From birth, childhood and youth,
Adulthood to golden years,
Singlehood and marriage,
Learning, working,
Family raising,
Living and dying,
You can’t fast forward or rewind,
Take them as they come.

Life is a race,
It’s a struggle to keep up,
With the constant changes taking place,
It takes discipline and faith,
Courage to go on,
Perseverance when you don’t feel strong,
So run with blazing determination,
Give it all that you’ve got,
To win the prize at the finishing line,
Where everything will work out fine.

Life is a risk, You toil and work,
To earn a living,
Not knowing what lies ahead,
To be safe,
You may forgo the adventure,
When the paths diverge,
And the future is unclear,
So it’s only worth,
To serve a loving Master,
Who can guide your ways,
Beyond your head.

Life is a choice,
With the will to do what’s wrong or right,
What’s bad or good,
To whine or be contented,
To give up or go on,
To hate or love,
To take or give,
To die or live,
So do what’s best,
So you can look back,
With little or no regrets.

Life is a quest,
There is so much to learn,
Tons for exploration,
Millions beyond comprehension,
Even the basic difference,
Between men and women,
Much more complicated,
Is to understand,
The self,
But don’t let that stop you,
From asking, seeking and knocking,
For someday you shall find.

Life is love,
Forgive yourself of all past wrongs,
Grant yourself a chance for the best,
Pardon others for their faults,
And God will help you forget the rest,
Guilt is painful,
Grudge is a great weight,
And revenge is self-consuming,
Because anger is never-ending.

Only when you let go,
Can you give more than you take,
It’s easy to like the sweet,
The challenge is when they aren’t so nice,
But to love is the only way to life.

Life is the present,
Here and now,
Enjoy the moment,
Cry if you must,
But don’t forget to laugh.

Envision the future,
Love with no measure,
If you look behind,
Make sure it’s just to see,
How you can make it better,
Otherwise,
It could hurt real bad,
And hold you back,
So just shut up and move on.

Life is precious,
Because you’ve only got one shot,
If it’s good and long, Praise the Lord,
Well it could be short,
So plan as if you have immortality,
But live as if it were your last,
To the best of your capacity,
To wherever His grace leads,
For the glory of the King.

One Night Stand

Clad in a skimpy black dress, with sparkling stone studded stilettos, clutching a sequins embedded purse, huge rings on her ears, and a long gold chain drawing attention to her low neckline; she turned the head of every john who passed by. The auburn highlights through her sleek black hair shone against the spotlights, and Donovan found pleasure in having her on the dance floor.

It was his acquaintance’s birthday, and the party had only just begun. With his magnetic flamboyance, he took pride in his quick move on the woman he considered most attractive, while he gulped down the sparkling, devil’s brew. There seemed to be an instant connection between the woman and him, and that confirmed she was his till the night was over.

The loud music and the colorful lights continued to cloud his senses while they both added on generously to their share of the fermented liquid. He could see in her eyes that she was lonely, and so he knew he was too. “Sandra, tonight is the night we forget all our worries, and be merry!” he cheered, refilling her glass.

Before long, they were both making their way out of the pub into the hotel room. Stumbling upon each other in steps rather poorly coordinated but not utterly without direction, under the sheets they headed. Being meticulous in business, his careful nature did prompt him to think for a moment, “Is she ‘clean’?” However, given murky rationality, intensified emotions and blurred morals, her passionate kiss silenced his thoughts to a simple, “Who cares?”

Hours went by in moments, as he romantically satisfied his cravings of lust with a woman he had hardly known. Protection was the last thing on his mind. A call on his cell phone awakened him abruptly to bring in the dawn of day. He looked around. He was alone covered in the blanket. The enticing woman was nowhere to be seen, and he felt a tinge of regret for not taking her number. “So much for a night, but it sure was great!” he smiled to himself, relishing the gratification of the wee hours before.

Months elapsed and he never saw her again. Neither did he particularly miss her. These were passing things to him, being one with an outgoing lifestyle, enhanced by frequent business travel. Everything was going fine, until one day, his acquaintance mentioned a so-called Sandra. Sandra – the name rang a bell. Yes, he remembered her.

“She was killed in an accident….” his friend solemnly announced. “It’s sad, such a pretty woman….” Donovan said, her images flashing across his mind. With a hushed voice, his friend added, “Even more, because she had Aids…”

Donovan put on a serious face, but guilt engulfed him from within. He knew he might have been the cause...

*Global statistics by UNICEF in 2007 show that 6800 new infections of HIV/AIDS are being reported every day. In the world, there are about 33 million people living with the disease. In Asia, 5 million. Malaysia has a population of around 24,000,000, and out of that, there are around 70,000 Malaysians estimated to be living with HIV/AIDS (2005 report). The number is only increasing each year.

*Don’t become statistics. Help stop the epidemic.

Is Your Word Your Bond?

When was the last time you made a promise you didn’t intend to keep? Big or small, intentional or not, all of us have had our slips some time.

Some of us are ‘Only the Big Ones’ people. These people keep their word about important things but not trivial ones. For example, if they promise to complete a project, or if it’s for someone important, they finish it against all odds – that’s a big promise. But when it comes to little things like taking a child out to the mall or meeting up with a friend (something inconsequential compared to a money making assignment or time with a VIP), they might promise, ‘tomorrow,’ ‘next week,’ or ‘later’; which never comes. This kind of people are intentional to keep their word, but they also have their so called ‘priorities.’ They give their word first, and then decide which ones to keep and which to discard, according to their convenience.

Then there are others among us who are ‘Only if I Have To’ people. They try not to give their word for everything. They realize an oath makes them accountable for their actions, so they wiggle their way out. Ask them if they can come and you’ll hear, “I’m not sure”. Ask them whether they can finish the work by a certain date, and they’ll say, “I’ll try.” If you’re lucky, ‘my best’ will be attached. Even when it’s plain simple and 99.9% convenient to them, you’ll have to dig the words out of their mouth. Nevertheless, all they are promising is an attempt – success or failure, they will be left off the hook. The underlying message is actually “No”.

Understanding this, they only commit to tasks with the least responsibilities because they feel forced to.

We may also fall into another group - the ‘It Doesn’t Matter’ people. They constantly make promises they don’t plan to keep. To them, words are empty. For instance, “I’ll call back in a while” is actually just a way of ending a conversation. “We should meet up sometime” is in fact, “Goodbye.” When such people tell you “Don’t worry, I’ll handle it” - if you trust them for an important job, it’s like yanking a dog’s ear and expecting it not to bite. Probably, they are so used to throwing their words away, that they expect others to know it is not a promise. But the truth is, when we say we will do something, we are making a pledge – and that matters.

At last but not least, the ‘True to Every Word’ people are diamonds in the rough. They recognize that each word they utter has a price tag attached to it. It can make or break someone’s day. They don’t make promises they don’t intend to keep, big or small. They give assurance whenever they can. They take delight in serving. When they make an oath, they pull it through even when it hurts. If they have vowed but are unable to fulfill it, they retract before it is supposed to happen. If for any reason, there was a slither, they make sure they apologize. These are people of integrity.

With all this in mind, there are a number of ways we can practice integrity in our speech everyday. Here are a few:

Don’t promise if you know you will not keep it. Eg: If you want to end a conversation but don’t plan to call again or meet up, just say “Goodbye,” “Thank you for your time,” or “It was great talking to you! (if it was :P).” Be honest. If you don’t want to make a promise, just say “No.”

When you explain your reasons in a nice way, the other person will actually appreciate your sincerity. Eg: If someone asks you out, and you know you won’t go, just say “I’m sorry, I have something on.” Or if you can say this, “I don’t think it is a good idea,” and explain why. Be accountable.

Don’t avoid making promises just because you fear you might flop them. Eg: When there is some way you can help out, volunteer yourself. Do your level best to complete it. If you really can’t, for a valid reason, withdraw as soon as possible with an apology, or better, offer an alternate solution.

Recognize that your words have meanings. In work, it can help to build or cause serious damage. In relationships, the ones who receive your promises hold on to them (especially children, loved ones and friends). You can make their day, or break their hearts. And most importantly, you are reflecting what matters to you – the kind of person that you are.

Some things to remember about promises:

Nobody’s perfect. It’s not an ideal world. So, don’t be naïve, but try to trust enough whenever you can and should. Give people chances to fulfill their words, but be wise.