Forget About Justice

I always used to say, “Freedom, justice and equality – that’s very important to me.” And if I felt that wasn’t happening, I would try to make it happen. However, to live and love, there needs to be something that surpasses that noble notion, because nothing and nobody is perfect.

Relationship issues can really get to us sometimes. They can cause sadness and anger, especially when we feel that we have done our best trying to see it from their point, we apologize a couple of times, and yet people don’t see our good intentions.

When I face situations like this, I ask myself, “What is it that I ultimately want, while I try to get my point across? Am I trying to prove that I am right, or do I want peace? And the answer to that question determines the difference in my actions. Although sometimes the way I get treated really makes me depressed, I’m fortunate I’ve had the chance to fill my mind with good things.

My close friends would know that I am huge fan of John C. Maxwell (JCM), the leadership expert and pastor. I try to listen to a little of his sermons or talks almost every day, and I picked up a lot of lessons to apply. Allow me to share, along with a few other things my little experiences have revealed.

· “Forgiveness is a permanent attitude”

JCM quoted Martin Luther King Jr. Forget about justice. Focus on grace and forgiveness, says the former. Justice is something you get that you deserve. Grace is something you get that you don’t deserve.

I remember sometime back, I uttered some really sharp words to a friend. I said those things out of the emotion of the moment where I felt some unfairness in the situation. It was obvious that I hurt him, and I knew it, more because he made it known to me. When I called him the next day, I asked if he would forgive me for what I said, and he questioned me about my words which I myself could not recall entirely.

But I remember part of his reply: “If you don’t remember it and I don’t remember it, then let’s forget about it.” And he continued the conversation as he always did, because I believe he saw me beyond those words and into intentions.

At that moment, I knew he was upset with me, yet he chose to be nice, forgive and be graceful. In my heart, I was grateful to have met such a friend who showed me grace.

When people say words that upset me or do things that hurt me, I remind myself to show grace and accept people just as they are, just as others have accepted me, the same way God has accepted us. As the saying goes, “to err is human, but to forgive divine.”

· Face the issue; don’t expect it to magically disappear

In one of my previous blog posts, I wrote about a stray cat spending an entire night in my house while I hadn’t a clue. When I heard strange noises, I ran out of the house and had planned to lock up and leave, hoping everything would be all right when I got back many hours later.

A good friend happened to call me some time after reading my post, and told me straight to my face that I couldn’t go on with my life with that attitude. He said, “You can’t expect the problem to disappear just like that. You cannot run away from the problem because of fear, and just hope that everything will be alright. Life doesn’t work that way. You have to face it.”

It made me realize that I had carried that attitude in some relationships in my life, and that point was a beginning of change for me. Of course, when someone tells us that we’re wrong, it does hurt a little; even more if it is said harshly, or by someone way younger. But we are blessed if people care enough to tell us, take the risk of facing the reaction we might give and be the ‘bad person’ in our eyes, so that we can grow. If we are grateful, we’ll be teachable and accept it. Otherwise, truly, it’s our loss.

Ever since, no matter how difficult a situation seemed, I made it a point to face it. To try to talk it out face to face calmly, not emotionally loaded, whenever possible. If not, over the phone, because that allows a two way communication. Some people feel that sms is a good idea. They throw questions, demand for answers, and then get offended when there’s no reply. I feel that sms can be good for compliments, but it’s selfish to drop accusations and force another person to accept it through text. Furthermore it’s subject to misinterpretation.

If the issue is not faced, we tend to nurse a grudge in our heart and react negatively, and the other party may never even know it exists. I tend to be a person who overlooks my friends’ fault whenever I can, and sometimes I absorb the hurt and forget about it, because it’s a choice that I make.

My principle is as in a wedding ceremony before a couple takes the marriage vow, “Speak now or forever hold your peace.” If I choose not to confront a friend about something because I can accept it, I remind myself not to keep it as a list in my heart for future use. If I don't wish to deal with it, I have to learn to live with it. It would be very unfair to a friend, to keep everything inside and one fine day, drop a bomb on his or her head.

Another point I picked from this is that I could not change overnight. Everything is a process. I improved over time and am still learning. Likewise, when I try to gently make others see the issues they are having, I am patient. Maybe even if they don’t get it now, it might just be starting point for them. Maybe and hopefully they’ll realize it when someone else tells them the next time. But it pays to know that at least I tried to face it.

· Never allow the situation to mean more than the person

JCM says that you should never allow the situation to mean more than the person. No matter how terrible a person’s behavior or actions may be, we should deal with the action or situation, and not attack the person. If we really care about them, the way we approach the problem will not be a personal attack. We will try to solve the problem while still showing them that we care.

This is easier said than done especially when another party is very self-centered, defensive and does not reciprocate to our intentions. When another person is too emotional and shoots bullets of assumptions and accusations, it can be very painful. But with some humility to continue to show kindness and attempt to steer the wheel back to the issue, it is possible, with grace.

Perhaps it may help to tell ourselves that they haven’t learnt this lesson in life. Since we are learning, we apply it, regardless of the level of their communication skills. Instead of ignoring them, being mean or returning evil for evil, maybe it’s a lesson for us to be the example and show them how we would like them to treat us. The golden rule does say, “Do unto others what you would like them to do unto you.”

· We can only control our own actions. We can’t control another’s reactions.

Sometimes, with all our good intentions and no matter how hard we try, things just don’t work out. We just have to accept it.

There are situations where an apology is all it takes to solve a little problem, and it’s our choice whether we want to make the first move regardless of who started the issue in the first place. I learnt at a young age that an apology has a very magical power. I remember it saved me a lot of scolding from my mother after I admitted my mistakes with an innocent face, and uttered that magic word - sorry. In fact, I was even referred to as a good example when others got a mouth lashing, and was one of my Moral teacher’s favorites.

Elton John sang it very well, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” Some people find it very difficult to admit they may have been wrong, and feel that it’s a sting on their ego. They feel that they ‘lose’ if they say that word, even if another chooses to apologize first. They even stubbornly decide that they are always right.

But the truth is, none of us is perfect. We may have said something out of anger, raised a tone too high, or been insensitive somewhere along the line, even if we have our reasons to feel that we are not wrong. Our willingness to say ‘sorry’ shows our maturity to acknowledge the fact that we are just as human as the other party. We don’t need to be sorry about things that were right. We can apologize for the way our words or actions may have made others feel, while knowing with certainty that our intentions were right. After all, it’s just a play of words. And of course, if we’re really wrong, we should apologize sincerely for the fault.

But having said this, we need to remember that some people just refuse to say sorry. That word has been banished from their vocabulary and we wonder where it went! We can’t force another to see their faults if they refuse to. If we compel them to, they might admit it, but it won’t be from their heart. It might just be to shut us up or simply to let us hear what we want to hear. Perhaps even to get our favour if they need something from us.

We just have to accept them the way they are, be wise while around them, and try to look for the good. JCM says, “Treat others better than they treat you.” He calls this the higher road. “Keep your eyes off the mirror and focus on serving others – forget yourself, don’t focus on your own needs. Success in life has everything to do with what you do for others” he declares. Finding fault is easy. It doesn’t need any skills. It takes more to look for the good in others all the time. And the Bible says, “love your enemies, bless those who curse you, be good to those who persecute you.”

If there’s one most important thing I’ve learnt recently, it is that relationships are extremely fragile. Even though we may have forgiven or been forgiven, if the situation is not handled with care, things may never be the same again. Sometimes, though wounds heal, scars remain. Sometimes, we may never get a second chance. However, if we handle the issue well, it would strengthen the relationship for the better.

So let’s try to do it right the first time, always. Though there will definitely be efforts where we are bound to fail, let’s just forget about justice and focus on grace!

-JJ-

The Truth about Lying

Everybody lies, given a certain situation or emotional condition. Everyone faces that moment where the decision needs to be made: to lie or come clean. Whether it is out of full awareness, or a subconscious reaction, seemingly harmless or unintentional; lying happens, despite our greatest attempts to avoid it.

There are 3 main reasons attributed to lying, such as to protect self image and save face, to harm others, and the most common one – fear.

Yes, fear – it’s paralyzing, crippling, makes your head fuzzy, increases your heartbeat, robs you of peace, betrays trust, harms relationships…and yet you do it.

But why? Why do you lose control? Why can’t you just say no to lying, straight to the face? Why do allow fear to paralyze you?

Maybe it’s because you foolishly view yourself as powerless little thing, that has no other choice. Maybe you feel it’s for the best, to protect those around, and suffer the consequences alone. Maybe you are just not audacious enough to stand up and speak the truth, and set yourself free - because just as there are prices to pay for lying, there are consequences to the truth.

Lying is a psychological adaptation. According to human reasoning, deception is inherent in human kind, as a way to resolve life’s persistent problems. In fact, most of the lies people tell are unintentional. When the truth seems so difficult to share, lying looks like the easiest, immediate way out – but in fact, it really isn’t.

While it is true, some people lie intentionally to mislead others, to harm them, or get something they want, the majority of us lie as and when the situation ‘requires.’ Most people lie to protect themselves, and those involved.

Think about it – when fear grips your heart, you want to tell the truth but you are afraid of the consequences, that psychological adaptation just ‘helps’ you get out of that sticky situation for the moment. Yes, it causes you terrible stress – you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t get it out of your mind – the fear binds itself like weighty chain around your neck and feet as you tread the soaking sands of the sea.

You somehow know you can’t go on like that forever. You have to let it out soon, and you really know you want to and will do it. But when? That’s exactly when you allow yourself to lie – to buy time till you dare to tell the truth. But often times, the truth is discovered even before you can gather enough guts for honesty. In fact, you know this will happen. But when your fear gets a hold on you, you are no more than a puppet playing to its whims.

Talk about honesty – assuming you are bold enough to speak the truth forthright, are you ready to face the consequences? What if there are threats? What if someone involved cannot accept it? Will your truth lead to harm for others? Are you willing to face the music or wish for an easy way out to end all of your problems – wishing you weren’t alive? Do you have enough faith and strength to stand firm regardless of what happens after you speak the truth? When people are not sure, that’s when they lie.

People ask for the truth, but when you tell them, they may not be prepared to accept it. Sometimes, the truth may hurt really bad. When they know it, can they really go on being how they were before? Won’t the new piece of revelation play in their mind over and over again – causing anger, disappointment, pain, hopelessness, distrust?

It is said the truth sets you free. True, it sets the liar free once and for all, without having to look for a curtain to hide every time the light shines. But there will come days when you wished you never knew, when you wonder if you would have been happier not knowing in the first place. Times when you understand it was not easy for someone to conceal the truth from you, moments when you realize accepting the truth is as grueling as having enough guts to say it out loud. And that requires a lot of time and healing for all involved.

Lying is wrong. There’s no excuse to it. There are things in life we wish never happened; things we hope didn’t have to be that way. But the truth is, honesty takes a lot more courage than most of us have in our hearts – be it to speak out, or to accept.

There will always be a Goliath standing in the way, one that will make you choose whether to lie or tell the truth – and that giant is very real. Only the love of God can cast out fear, to fear the Lord only, much more than mere mortals, greater than the physical consequences.

Only the love and strength of God can give you the wisdom, and the stone that’s just the right size to hit that giant to the ground - no matter what a pygmy you are in the light of the whole situation. And until the heart is fully immersed with that Love to embrace wholeness, there is much work to be done in your life…and that is the truth.

May the good Lord forgive us for all our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us.

The Things We Take For Granted

A 20 year old boy gets hit by a lorry on his way from college, and never makes it home to meet his mother. A once strong and sturdy man lays motionless with his eyes rolled inwards, losing the physical battle to cancer. A woman who was once the life of the party cries herself to sleep, unable to even turn her body over or dress herself, due to stroke.

It is overwhelming, when you can only watch but not do a thing to alleviate the agony of the people you were so used to seeing smiling. To just look with teary eyes, and feel the suffering with your heart - makes you wonder if you would be able to bear the pain, were it you in their place. It leaves you speechless, knowing words could never fully comfort such misery.

A lot of times, we hear people say, “There’s too much work to do… can’t finish! Die, man! Or in moments of anger, “Go and die! I wish you were dead!” Sometimes, out of rejection and hopelessness, people say, “I’d rather kill myself…” Of course, these words are uttered without much thought and out of the physical context.

But when you actually watch a person dying and you run away because you can’t bear to see it anymore; or see the torment diseases inflict on fragile bodies, to the extent that they truly wish they weren’t alive - it adds gravity to the word ‘die.’ You see life from a different perspective.

Yes, we know that people are dying everyday. We are aware of accidents and illnesses; we understand the brevity of life. Yet, we tend to enclose ourselves in our own world while we are actually pretty fine, magnify our tiny problems, do whatever we want while we are self sufficient, or let god-given energy go to waste due to meaninglessness - forgetting the things that really matter.

Observing the frailty of the human form, I count my blessings and name them one by one. The things we often take for granted:

1. Sanity – simply being able to think, and not roam the streets in rags
2. Consciousness – being able to wake up every morning, knowing there are problems, looking for solutions - it’s another new day!
3. Mobility – getting out of bed each morning to brush my teeth, pat some powder on my cheeks, put on my own clothes and drive myself to work.
4. Sight – looking at the blue sky and greenery of the golf course on my way to the office, even staring at my computer screen right now!
5. Taste – bitter, sweet or sour, however delicious or miserable the food – I can taste, chew and swallow! I can enjoy eating!
6. Smell – the scent of my favorite peppermint tea, and the fragrant perfume I dab on my neck and wrists!
7. Touch – to touch the forehead of someone dear and feel if there’s a fever, to hold the hands of those you care about…it’s a blessing!
8. Colleagues, staff & acquaintances – whether I see them every day, or only once; many that I may never get to know personally, yet smile at each morning while we ‘punch card’; or people I meet in an unexpected function - they matter!
9. Family - the quarrels, disappointments, the picking ons, the fun and the unbreakable love – in the end, whatever happens, we’re all we have!
10. Close friends – the ones who irritate, argue and accompany, make me laugh and smile, scold me when I’m wrong and catch me when I fall – love them forever!

As I think of those who are no longer with us, or others that wish time would pass sooner, I remember that we can never know whether we’ll grow up to be a hundred, and live to love it.

So, I come on bended knees to tell God, “I’m sorry, I haven’t thanked You enough…I have not been truly grateful…For You, I have not done enough…Please give me the chance…”

I Have Always Known

Do you sometimes wonder where the future is heading? Do you stop to dream, only to let those visions drip away like an ice-cream left to melt in your hands?

These are some questions that come to my mind every now and then; when I face disappointing situations; when I brush shoulders with chances; when I aspire for greater things.

Many times, I wonder why it is so easy to get depressed. Why do negative thoughts come like a little leech that quietly seeps into our socks, sticks onto our skin and drains out all the blood it can? Why does happiness seem so hard to reach?

There are many known causes of unhappiness: fixation on negative thoughts, jealousy, low self esteem, hopelessness, attempting to obtain impossible perfection, trying to reason anything and everything, feeling that the whole world is against you, and the list goes on.

Delving deeper into the heart, I summed up unhappiness to 3 things: fear of uncertainty, fear of failure and excessive reasoning.

Fear of uncertainty: sometimes life is like a roller coaster ride. Things soar into the skies, and before you know it, you’re back on ground zero. You just can’t see what’s coming. So, why fear what you don’t know? Just take them as they come.

Fear of failure: wondering if you’ll make it; whether your ideas will work out or if you’re making a stupid mistake. You’ve been through it before and you hope it’s not another slip-up. But, so what if things don’t work out? Just try again!

Excessive reasoning: Trying to explain everything around. Questioning the past, the present, the future – answers that never were, and probably never will be. Sometimes you sabotage my own happiness by thinking too much. Just need to ask God the grace to "accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can and wisdom to know the difference" – the serenity prayer.

And as I contemplate all these, immediately the sweet smile and adorable face of Amelia Earheart in “Night at the Museum 2” comes to mind. She played the role of one who lived each moment to the fullest. She loved adventure. She didn’t crack her head for reasons, or what if she’ll get lost over the Pacific Ocean. She simply did things for the fun of it!!

Being a wax figurine that would freeze at the break of dawn, the lead character Larry Daley really didn’t know how to tell the lovable woman about the brevity of her life – that the thrill would end in just fleeting hours!

What truly touched my heart was her reflective kiss as she hushed him; as she held back her tears and bid him goodbye -”I know…” She said, “I have always known…”

When the flame is fading

Do you ever remember waking up one day with the passion to change the world? You begin the day with a sense of purpose. Your steps are quick because you’ve got no time to waste. You grab a cup of tea and drink it with your eyes still glued to the computer, while with one hand, your fingers are still tapping on the keyboard.

Even with the deadlines, and difficult people, or when things just don’t go right; nothing slows you down, because you truly believe you’re on a mission! And that makes you feel so alive!

But as time goes by, and routine sets in, everyday becomes, ‘just another day’…You watch the people around settle for the mediocre. You don’t feel you can change anything, and you wonder why you even want to try. “What’s the point?” You ask yourself.

When others seem to take a relaxed attitude, and find ways to do to the least, or when they come and tell you to take you to take it easy, you start to question, ‘Why should I even care?” You watch your motivation level dwindle, and you just stand and stare.

You observe hours being wasted because of indecision. Even when there is a resolution, the motive is questionable – whether or not it benefits the whole. Your eyes are opened to notice ‘enemies’ and ‘allies’ as you discern the power play.

Little by little, you decelerate, and just watch, doing only what you’re supposed to do. You feel tired of trying to tie raindrops together. You begin to take things as they come, instead of riding over it all like a warrior of light

Until a nice person comes along and brings some smiles, or you wait for someone dear you’ve not seen in a while to drop by – then you capture that moment and it keeps your heart beating the rest of the day.

And when all is done, and everyone has left, you sit behind your desk and wonder, “How pathetic have I become?”

That's when your mind goes to legendary figures like Martin Luther King Jr, and you ask yourself, “How did they ever do it? – have a dream, keep it to the end, and live with a mission?”

If you ever feel that way, perhaps it's best to reflect upon the words from the man himself, and allow the famous quotes of Martin Luther King Jr. to flame up that fading spark.

“Whatever your life's work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.”

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

-Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord,

not for men-

Colossians 3:23 (The Bible, NIV)

Perhaps it's Destiny!

When the American Idol competitors came down to three, I wondered who would go out. While all three were stunning, based on their performances and judges’ comments, it was predictable that Kris Allen may not make it to the finals. In fact, you could almost see disapproval on Simon Cowell’s face when the results show revealed Danny Gokey was out of the game instead of Kris.

It was at that moment, I thought my to myself, “Things are taking a different turn. For all you know, Kris might just win the title. Perhaps, it’s his destiny.”

Kris Allen had a meek spirit surrounding him – something that brought out the emotions of listeners; a modesty that showed through his facial expressions, gestures and responses. When it came to vocal performance, he indisputably had a beautiful voice. However, compared to ‘rock star’ Adam Lambert’s overwhelming screams and David Gokey’s, Kris Allen appeared as the most fragile.

While Adam, his final contender, received excellent comments and praises consistently throughout the competition, Kris was asked to step out of his quietness and show a different side. And Kris did emerge and show improvements, while remaining true to himself – never trying to be something else just to compete with others. This was commended on his final performance, and all the judges agreed he had earned his place at the top.

Maybe it’s his journey from being the quite boy who doubted his own ability to rising as the star who reached the finals, which won the people’s hearts and votes. His quietness and humility that revealed itself in magnificence when he was up there in the spotlight; when his fingers gently tapped the keyboards on the piano; when he boldly strummed the acoustic guitar without needing embellishments from back up singers or a theatrical performance…that made the simple remarkable.

Even when he seemed to struggle singing his final song, “No Boundaries,” which was a key too high for his voice, making his competitor look even stronger; even when the judge commented his performance was like a bunch of guys strumming music in their rooms, it failed to take away the destiny that awaited him.

One of the reasons I love to watch reality shows is that they always remind me that talent is not enough. What seems like the best in terms of ability and skill may not suffice to claim the glory. Effort and the heart play a huge part, not forgetting the Higher Power that determines destiny.

I suppose we need a hero we can relate to. Humble, imperfect, seemingly ordinary – yet able to accomplish amazing heights. We look beyond the simple fumbles of a presentation. We observe the exemplary path that was walked – both the pains and the gains. We behold the greatness that will be displayed in the future – the perfection that will be achieved given the right circumstances, opportunities and time.

Something that gives us hope to fulfill our own destiny.

Barbie, Benjamin Button and time

The iconic hourglass figure that has captured the hearts and minds of pre-pubescent girls all over the world, creating fantasies of the ideal female form, has come a long way. Barbie turns 50 this year, yet she has never aged, not even a bit, through the transition of time.

Little girls can’t wait to grow up, and dream of that fuller body with the finest waistline. Likewise, little boys imagine muscles and moustache before their debut. Once we reach that age of adulthood, the fruits of sexuality transport us to a world where women throw glances and men flirt; that make us take chances.

We want to look good, feel great and enjoy the moment before the glory of its time fleets away. Then, as the front digits of our age increase with each page of the calendar being torn, every attempt is made to freeze the Barbie, or at least the whimsy of it, in the mirror. Even Simon Cowell, from the famed American Idol, admits he uses Botox to ‘take care’ of himself.

Do we wonder why this is so? Why don’t we long to be children forever? Why doesn’t the other end of wisdom with years attract us to lock it in? Why are we all, men and women alike, allured by the things that offer us a sip from that fountain of eternal youth and beauty?

Perhaps, the answer can be found in a scene from “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” where the lead actress sees Benjamin at the climax of his youth; ideal in stature, with firmness of skin, brimming with energy and everything else that comes with it. She stands amazed at the man who was born old but is slowly reversing into youth, and says, “Look at you…You’re perfect.”

Yes, PERFECTION is the word. Somehow, innately, we seem to be wired in with a desire for perfection. As children, we are yet to be fully developed physically and mentally. We are told that we need to grow up, meaning we are still ‘imperfect’. During teens, we know there’s more to come. We strive to achieve that ideal stage of physical growth and attractiveness, financial security, possession of money and wealth, with the ability to run around and do whatever we wish - in early adulthood. To us, that is the pinnacle of life; the picturesque of perfection. We know that isn’t going to last forever, and whatever contradictorily follows, we consider ‘degeneration’ - a process we attempt to minimize, if not eliminate altogether.

If we ever had a choice, would we choose to be Benjamin Button – start elderly, get younger each day and die as an infant? Probably not, because everyone else is heading the other direction – the walk would be way too lonely. But if there were truly a way to seal youth forever, do we really want it?

As humans, we are never satisfied. If we look for something, once we find it, we are happy for a while. Then boredom sets in over time, and the search begins once more. Maybe it’s the quest that keeps us going – the search for the ultimate perfection that is impossible to find and sustain eternally in our earthly beings. The path that some find in cosmetic surgery, age defying costumes or accessories, ever-productive activities, financial security, persons or companions, or others find in God.

While it is highly advocated to aspire for the best in life – longings manifested in working out to feel fit and look younger, healthy eating to preserve bodily functions, earning to live better, making up to hide those wrinkles and flaws, and enjoying compliments that tell us we still ‘have it’ – we need to remember that time has its purpose. A reason in every stage, an aim in every age, a story in every page.

Physical charm and strength; they grow fainter by the days. Wealth and possessions; we can’t take them to our grave. But the attitude of the heart is something nothing in this world can take away – to aim for the paramount but balance it with contentment of what we already have. We have full control over it, despite all circumstances. The physical heart might deteriorate, but its spirit will never age. Its beauty will withstand the test of time, if only we choose it to be so.

Part-time Lover

“Call up, ring once, hang up the phone, to let me know you made it home,Don’t want nothing to be wrong with part-time lover…”

“We are undercover passion on the run, Chasing love up against the sun,We are strangers by day, lovers by night...Knowing it’s so wrong, but feeling so right”

Do the lyrics sound familiar? Very catchy indeed, by Stevie Wonder. Every time I hear the song, the tune keeps on playing in my head for a quite a while.

To delve deeper, the songwriter has really captured reality with those words. We’ve seen it before our very eyes, heard confessions and details of where, when, why or even how. Perhaps, it might have also almost happened to some of us.

As a kid, I always thought of such things as downright despicable and wondered how terrible people were as I watched movies and heard stories. Well, I still think it’s not right. But as I get older, I begin to understand that people don’t wake up one day and decide to be bad. Feelings and thoughts are real, temptations come to all, and it could happen to anyone of us.

Sometimes life becomes too routine. Some things looking nice will always pass by, and temptations sizzle up the mundane. It’s human nature to be attracted to something that fills that thirst for adventure. While some find it in infidelity, there’s so much in the world that we could do.

Perhaps, things are not going the way it should in a relationship. The other half might not fulfill all that is wanted and desired, either knowingly or unknowingly. The issues are not communicated nor resolved. And rarely do we want to see our own flaws, although sometimes it’s really not our fault. Then, shines the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’– a willing, caring and exciting secret sweetheart, and there you have it!

We humans are such insatiable creatures. At times, everything goes smoothly. We live comfortably, with almost everything one could ask for. Yet, perfection is not enough. We still desire something new – perhaps in the form of a curvaceous figure, sweet words, pretty gifts, or a sensual touch – something apart from what we already have.

Whatever the reasons, deep down we know, those are just attempts to rationalize and justify the wrongs to make it sound ok, at least to ourselves. We may say life is short and it’s a waste not to do what we want. Or we may whine, “If I can’t have the real thing, what’s wrong to have a little fun sometime?” Or even, “It’s a need I have to fulfill. In fact, everyone’s doing it.” We do this to cover guilt, but we prefer not to admit it.

Mere excuses – if we are truly honest to ourselves. Wrong is wrong. Right is right.

Goodness is like a diamond that needs to be sought after, while evil shouts out loud, hanging temptations up for grabs. We know that both God and the Devil are there. The battle is on, the choice is ours.

We are like empty glasses with a crack, which constantly needs to be filled. If we want to be pure, we must continuously fill it with good. Sometimes, we pretend not to see the darker shades. We mix and dilute the colors so that we’re neither here, nor there. Then we convince ourselves that being in the middle scale makes it all right.

I’d like to conclude with my own version of the rhythmic lyrics.

For the married:

I’ve got a spouse, to me the best,
I know not everyone’s as blessed,
I’ve got no time, no cause, no heart,
To be a part-time lover.

For the single:

When love is flowing from my heart,
I give it full, never just half,
I love myself, I care too much,
To be a part-time lover.

Here’s to full-time love!

What is Life & Why it is Precious

This is a question as old as time itself. Myths and legends often tell of the journeys of a young man up the mountains or into the woods seeking a wise old man who has the answer. I find myself on that quest many a times. , here it is – the answer from a 25 year-old woman, to herself, at this point of time.

Life a gift,
You don’t fully get to choose,
Where, when or how,
The end or the beginning,
The joy or the suffering,
It is given to you,
Just be true.

Life is a responsibility,
You are entrusted with resources and gifts,
It’s up to you what you do with it,
You pay the price if you are silly,
You see the fruits if you are wise.

Life is a journey,
The phases are many,
From birth, childhood and youth,
Adulthood to golden years,
Singlehood and marriage,
Learning, working,
Family raising,
Living and dying,
You can’t fast forward or rewind,
Take them as they come.

Life is a race,
It’s a struggle to keep up,
With the constant changes taking place,
It takes discipline and faith,
Courage to go on,
Perseverance when you don’t feel strong,
So run with blazing determination,
Give it all that you’ve got,
To win the prize at the finishing line,
Where everything will work out fine.

Life is a risk, You toil and work,
To earn a living,
Not knowing what lies ahead,
To be safe,
You may forgo the adventure,
When the paths diverge,
And the future is unclear,
So it’s only worth,
To serve a loving Master,
Who can guide your ways,
Beyond your head.

Life is a choice,
With the will to do what’s wrong or right,
What’s bad or good,
To whine or be contented,
To give up or go on,
To hate or love,
To take or give,
To die or live,
So do what’s best,
So you can look back,
With little or no regrets.

Life is a quest,
There is so much to learn,
Tons for exploration,
Millions beyond comprehension,
Even the basic difference,
Between men and women,
Much more complicated,
Is to understand,
The self,
But don’t let that stop you,
From asking, seeking and knocking,
For someday you shall find.

Life is love,
Forgive yourself of all past wrongs,
Grant yourself a chance for the best,
Pardon others for their faults,
And God will help you forget the rest,
Guilt is painful,
Grudge is a great weight,
And revenge is self-consuming,
Because anger is never-ending.

Only when you let go,
Can you give more than you take,
It’s easy to like the sweet,
The challenge is when they aren’t so nice,
But to love is the only way to life.

Life is the present,
Here and now,
Enjoy the moment,
Cry if you must,
But don’t forget to laugh.

Envision the future,
Love with no measure,
If you look behind,
Make sure it’s just to see,
How you can make it better,
Otherwise,
It could hurt real bad,
And hold you back,
So just shut up and move on.

Life is precious,
Because you’ve only got one shot,
If it’s good and long, Praise the Lord,
Well it could be short,
So plan as if you have immortality,
But live as if it were your last,
To the best of your capacity,
To wherever His grace leads,
For the glory of the King.

One Night Stand

Clad in a skimpy black dress, with sparkling stone studded stilettos, clutching a sequins embedded purse, huge rings on her ears, and a long gold chain drawing attention to her low neckline; she turned the head of every john who passed by. The auburn highlights through her sleek black hair shone against the spotlights, and Donovan found pleasure in having her on the dance floor.

It was his acquaintance’s birthday, and the party had only just begun. With his magnetic flamboyance, he took pride in his quick move on the woman he considered most attractive, while he gulped down the sparkling, devil’s brew. There seemed to be an instant connection between the woman and him, and that confirmed she was his till the night was over.

The loud music and the colorful lights continued to cloud his senses while they both added on generously to their share of the fermented liquid. He could see in her eyes that she was lonely, and so he knew he was too. “Sandra, tonight is the night we forget all our worries, and be merry!” he cheered, refilling her glass.

Before long, they were both making their way out of the pub into the hotel room. Stumbling upon each other in steps rather poorly coordinated but not utterly without direction, under the sheets they headed. Being meticulous in business, his careful nature did prompt him to think for a moment, “Is she ‘clean’?” However, given murky rationality, intensified emotions and blurred morals, her passionate kiss silenced his thoughts to a simple, “Who cares?”

Hours went by in moments, as he romantically satisfied his cravings of lust with a woman he had hardly known. Protection was the last thing on his mind. A call on his cell phone awakened him abruptly to bring in the dawn of day. He looked around. He was alone covered in the blanket. The enticing woman was nowhere to be seen, and he felt a tinge of regret for not taking her number. “So much for a night, but it sure was great!” he smiled to himself, relishing the gratification of the wee hours before.

Months elapsed and he never saw her again. Neither did he particularly miss her. These were passing things to him, being one with an outgoing lifestyle, enhanced by frequent business travel. Everything was going fine, until one day, his acquaintance mentioned a so-called Sandra. Sandra – the name rang a bell. Yes, he remembered her.

“She was killed in an accident….” his friend solemnly announced. “It’s sad, such a pretty woman….” Donovan said, her images flashing across his mind. With a hushed voice, his friend added, “Even more, because she had Aids…”

Donovan put on a serious face, but guilt engulfed him from within. He knew he might have been the cause...

*Global statistics by UNICEF in 2007 show that 6800 new infections of HIV/AIDS are being reported every day. In the world, there are about 33 million people living with the disease. In Asia, 5 million. Malaysia has a population of around 24,000,000, and out of that, there are around 70,000 Malaysians estimated to be living with HIV/AIDS (2005 report). The number is only increasing each year.

*Don’t become statistics. Help stop the epidemic.

Is Your Word Your Bond?

When was the last time you made a promise you didn’t intend to keep? Big or small, intentional or not, all of us have had our slips some time.

Some of us are ‘Only the Big Ones’ people. These people keep their word about important things but not trivial ones. For example, if they promise to complete a project, or if it’s for someone important, they finish it against all odds – that’s a big promise. But when it comes to little things like taking a child out to the mall or meeting up with a friend (something inconsequential compared to a money making assignment or time with a VIP), they might promise, ‘tomorrow,’ ‘next week,’ or ‘later’; which never comes. This kind of people are intentional to keep their word, but they also have their so called ‘priorities.’ They give their word first, and then decide which ones to keep and which to discard, according to their convenience.

Then there are others among us who are ‘Only if I Have To’ people. They try not to give their word for everything. They realize an oath makes them accountable for their actions, so they wiggle their way out. Ask them if they can come and you’ll hear, “I’m not sure”. Ask them whether they can finish the work by a certain date, and they’ll say, “I’ll try.” If you’re lucky, ‘my best’ will be attached. Even when it’s plain simple and 99.9% convenient to them, you’ll have to dig the words out of their mouth. Nevertheless, all they are promising is an attempt – success or failure, they will be left off the hook. The underlying message is actually “No”.

Understanding this, they only commit to tasks with the least responsibilities because they feel forced to.

We may also fall into another group - the ‘It Doesn’t Matter’ people. They constantly make promises they don’t plan to keep. To them, words are empty. For instance, “I’ll call back in a while” is actually just a way of ending a conversation. “We should meet up sometime” is in fact, “Goodbye.” When such people tell you “Don’t worry, I’ll handle it” - if you trust them for an important job, it’s like yanking a dog’s ear and expecting it not to bite. Probably, they are so used to throwing their words away, that they expect others to know it is not a promise. But the truth is, when we say we will do something, we are making a pledge – and that matters.

At last but not least, the ‘True to Every Word’ people are diamonds in the rough. They recognize that each word they utter has a price tag attached to it. It can make or break someone’s day. They don’t make promises they don’t intend to keep, big or small. They give assurance whenever they can. They take delight in serving. When they make an oath, they pull it through even when it hurts. If they have vowed but are unable to fulfill it, they retract before it is supposed to happen. If for any reason, there was a slither, they make sure they apologize. These are people of integrity.

With all this in mind, there are a number of ways we can practice integrity in our speech everyday. Here are a few:

Don’t promise if you know you will not keep it. Eg: If you want to end a conversation but don’t plan to call again or meet up, just say “Goodbye,” “Thank you for your time,” or “It was great talking to you! (if it was :P).” Be honest. If you don’t want to make a promise, just say “No.”

When you explain your reasons in a nice way, the other person will actually appreciate your sincerity. Eg: If someone asks you out, and you know you won’t go, just say “I’m sorry, I have something on.” Or if you can say this, “I don’t think it is a good idea,” and explain why. Be accountable.

Don’t avoid making promises just because you fear you might flop them. Eg: When there is some way you can help out, volunteer yourself. Do your level best to complete it. If you really can’t, for a valid reason, withdraw as soon as possible with an apology, or better, offer an alternate solution.

Recognize that your words have meanings. In work, it can help to build or cause serious damage. In relationships, the ones who receive your promises hold on to them (especially children, loved ones and friends). You can make their day, or break their hearts. And most importantly, you are reflecting what matters to you – the kind of person that you are.

Some things to remember about promises:

Nobody’s perfect. It’s not an ideal world. So, don’t be naïve, but try to trust enough whenever you can and should. Give people chances to fulfill their words, but be wise.